R U JELLEN'?

to make this an “unrant journal”. See, there are these things that I hate so, so much that once mentioned, I will go off into a rant and rant my rants rantingly at the person who mentioned such a thing until they probably find a way to kill themselves. So, in order to save my…3…friends (  ), I will unrant my rants onto you, tumblr. Hopefully you can take it. Beware my rated R words.

Rant 1. Day 1: An Interview: Bath and Body Shop or something like that.
A year or two ago, I got a job interview at some bath and body type place at a local outdoor mall. It was my first job interview so of course, I was nervous. I googled popular interview questions, and asked my friends advice. I showed up at the interview feeling pretty damn prepared

and the interviewer invites me into the backroom where there are 2 other women waiting, and at first I was like “Oh okay, There’s a line for separate interviews”. No. “Welcome to the group interview.” He says. I didn’t know what the fuck those were or how they worked. What’s a group interview? Do you talk in a circle about how you guys want to work together and smoke mara-jew-wanna and take turns smelling the pungent perfumes and body washes around the store? Who does these things?

So clearly, I’m still like,

because I pretty much don’t know what the fuck is going on. Then he motions me to a chair and he sits down across from me, and he’s like “So let’s begin”.
And I’m like

No wait, you don’t mean…we have to…talk in front of each other…

There’s a 40 year old woman to my left and a blonde, 20 year old woman to her left, and the man starts questioning us.  Shit like, “Why are you interested in this job?”
The blonde: It’s located in a great area. It’s a well-organized shop, and I like your products.
The 40-year-old woman: I agree, great area. Nice shop. I always shop here.
Me:  

Is there a different answer you’re looking for?

Seriously? Group interviews? Dumbest thing. And the most awesome thing about this group interview is that he always asked me last, so I’m always stuck with the “Yeah, that” answer. What the hell do you expect, interview-guy? I have to wonder how many interviews this guy does. IF you ask the same questions, the chances of you getting the same damn answer is pretty much a good possibility. So, I’m struggling to be unique. At some point, the man is like “So, you all have a way to get here, obviously. Do you all have your licenses?”

Blonde: yes.
40 year old: …yes.
Me: Nope!

Him: Why not?

Me: WELL! (EPIC STORY INITIATES) I WAS ONCE BORN IN A FAR, FAR AWAY LAND CALLED THE PHILIPPINES IN 1991 ON MAY, 31! AND LIKE 16 OR SO DAYS LATER, THE VOLCANO MT. PINATUBO ERUPTED AND SINCE I WAS BORN ON CLARK AIRBASE HOSPITAL, THE AIR FORCE GATHERED MY MOTHER AND ME UP AND TOOK US TO A SHIP TO BE BROUGHT TO AMERICA! MY HOSPITAL BURNED DOWN WITH ALL MY DOCUMENTATION = ACTUAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE, ETC. AND SO THE SWEET, NICE, RESPONSIBLE LADIES AT THE DMV () WERE LIKE “YOUNG LADY, THIS HOSPITAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE WILL NOT DO. WE MUST HAVE ANOTHER BIRTH CERTIFICATE”, SO I COULD NOT GET EVEN MY PERMIT. THEY TOLD US TO FILE FOR A U.S. ABROAD CERTIFICATE AND WE WERE LIKE “OKAY, THAT SOUNDS EASY” BUT WHEN WE DID THE U.S. GOVERNMENT WAS LIKE “WHO IS THIS DAUGHTER, GOOD SIR, THAT YOU SPEAK OF?” SO OBV. SHIT STORM ALERT. SO NOW, WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH KIDS AT THE PENTAGON AND NONSENSE LIKE THAT AND WHATNOT. SO, NO. I HAVE NO LICENSE.”
 

Now, with a story like that you can imagine he was like:

and I left without a chance at that job, but still I left like



 

I have to have a place to write my thoughts or I’ll go crazy with all these voices in my head. So the other night, I saw the Hunger Games and the whole time since the announced opening date, I dreaded the fanbase. I was hoping for the love of God, this wouldn’t be taken away from me by the Twilight Fanbase. Oh, God, their swooning. I bought a ticket to a friday showing at 1:00 pm and I don’t know if I was lucky or if this story was taken more seriously by everyone, but not a SINGLE person swooned over Peeta or Gale. I’m subscribed to goodreads.com and there was a post called Team Peeta or Team Gale, and holy shit, I stroked. No seriously, half my body is still recovering. I wanted to demolish that thread with every ounce of power I possess, and trust me, I’m probably Jesus. No one made a sound. Not a sound in that theater until the movie was finished and then everyone stood up and started clapping and I could have cried (If half my face worked properly). The movie was definitely not what I was expecting, but come on, what movie is better than the book? So clearly, I’m not disappointed. All I can say is, thank you, 1:00 watchers of the Hunger Games at Monaco Pictures. We are best friends. <3